Creepy notebook is creepy

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That moment when you look for ideas in an old notebook and find a plot/blurb about someone spying on people for the NSA, then going rogue and exposing them… Jesus, that’s a whole new level of unsettling, even for me o_O

Okay, my plot has genetically altered spec ops people, a huge government conspiracy and lots of shooting and random assassinations, but still. Creepy.

 

Hm. I think that’s what later turned into a Camp NaNo novel… *checks* Yup, it’s the first incarnation, all right. Can I somehow use this for marketing purposes? “Psychic reveals shocking secrets years before the world learns of them! Read now the thrilling sequel to a ‘novel’ that might turn out to be much more than just a story!”

Seems like a sound strategy to me…

 

 

-Ricarda

Why I don’t trust reviews.

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Not the very good ones and the very bad ones, anyway.

 

I read two books in the past month that were somewhat of a surprise to me. One was Hard Contact, a Star Wars EU novel by Karen Traviss. People kept complaining about a) the language being too military and impossible to understand, and b) not “getting” the plot, as in, they literally didn’t understand the plot. In a pretty straight-forward action novel. It’s depressing to read a review that says “Those guys are clones of the guy who captured Han Solo for Jabba!”. Just… no. You can critique away and rip the book apart for good reasons, I don’t care, but please get your facts right. And maybe pay attention to the story you’re reading. As you’re supposed to do when reading a book. That’ll help.

For an EU novel, Hard Contact is actually really good. Not the best stuff out there, but a decent read (if you don’t mind 35% ads in the Kindle edition. For the love of god, why?!). Anyways, that was the nice surprise.

 

The not-so-nice one was Evensong by Krista Walsh. I heard nothing but praise about it, but boy, was that book a letdown. Maybe precisely because of all the praise and my subsequently high expectations, I don’t know. But even so,  the book just didn’t live up to any kind of expectations. Unlikeable characters, a plot full of holes and a world that didn’t make sense. Yet it didn’t have even one review below four stars on any Amazon incarnation. I don’t understand. Nothing that irked me so, SO much while I read it was even mentioned in the reviews. Sure, it’s always a matter of personal preference, but I thought at least someone would notice blatant mistakes in the in-universe logic? Like the whole point of getting The Author into his book (to change the story) literally falling apart when people start realising he might not be that omnipotent after all? But then stick to the plan anyway, and then he suddenly is The Creator and God of All? When everything pointed to “nope, he’s not, he’s just a mediocre scribbler who doesn’t even know how big the country is he himself supposedly created“. I fail to see how this makes sense, in-universe or outside.

This is why I usually don’t trust praise. But I guess the whole “author gets sucked into his world” thing sort of lured me in. I wish it hadn’t. Meh.

 

That’s also why I rarely do very good or very bad reviews of my own. It doesn’t help anyone, and it gives a skewed picture of the product in question. Five stars are for the stuff that makes the “all-time favourite” list; and that’s not much. One star is for the things that not only are bad (or mediocre at best), but also have a generally unappealing package (like the fucked-up chronology of the Clone Wars episodes on the blurays, or the 35% ads and excerpts in Hard Contact’s Kindle version). Those two sets of criteria seldom apply (usually there’s at least something saving the thing in question), so I usually don’t consult the praise and the hate, either. If that’s possible. It’s when it’s not that I get most often disappointed.

 

 

-Ricarda

Weee, technology!

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Or… not?

Looked up the Republic Commando series by Karen Traviss on Amazon. There’s 1, 3 and 4 for the Kindle, and 2… isn’t? What? Whose bright idea was that?

Seriously, I’m having a hard time giving anyone money when I feel like I’m being ripped off while fat businessmen bathe in champagne and light their cigars with hundred-dollar-bills, laughing at those stupid customers who paid for this decadence… -.-

And here I was thinking that my hoarding books wasn’t necessary anymore… I’m a collector, I hatehateHATE switching editions mid-series. It’s gone as far as me buying books twice because I didn’t pay attention when I bought them the first time around and got different layouts or somesuch nonsense. So now I’m supposed to buy three books for my Kindle and put the fourth one on my shelf anyway? Can someone explain this “business strategy” to me? Because making me buy the books used so I have them all in the same form while not paying myself stupid for the paperbacks doesn’t seem very clever to me…

 

- Ricarda

Things That Ruined Star Wars for Me: Pervert Edition

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Video probably NSFW.

 

This is why I will NEVER be able to take Kit Fisto or anything involving him seriously. Ever.

Worst thing is that he’s got tentacles. On his head. This will never not be dirty…

 

- Ricarda

 

Slightly unrelated edit: I like Clone Wars Anakin waaay more than Ep II&III Anakin. As in, can I please bleach that whiny asshole out of my brain and replace him with awesome!Anakin forever? Because that would just be great.

Aside

(No title because I’m tired.)

So I accidentally wrote a short story about a creepy chair. It happens. But what the hell am I supposed to do with it? oO

Are there any magazines that take stories about cursed furniture? I mean, Nightmare on Elm Street had a man-eating bed, so… someone wants this stuff, right? But what about stories where the furniture doesn’t kill anyone? Is that still horror, or should I include weird sex and sell it to some romance publisher? I mean, a hexed chair is still way more plausible than some of the sexytimes I’ve come across in published erotica.

Maybe I should just go to bed and read the thing again tomorrow. Just to be sure it still makes sense to a non-sleep deprived brain.

 

-Ricarda

So this happens when I get stuck and really bored…

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That romantic proposal I mentioned? Yeah, that’s done, and now I have to figure out how they break it to his family; hers is thankfully out of the picture… until her creep dad comes along to ruin things, of course. So when I hit a wall (again), my brain somehow played dead for a few minutes, and this happened…

 

Suddenly, Steinar turned into a pony. With laser eyes. And a very funky tail, because he’s Steinar. Everyone went „Ohhh, look at his tail!“ except Tyra who used the opportunity to snog her newly-acquired fiancé. They fled the scene to get married right away. This made everyone mad because no wedding feast! Petri then declared „Wedding feast for everyone! Bring out the booze!“ And Tyra multiplied it because MAGIC! Suddenly, HER FATHER appeared from the sky wearing a cape and also laser eyes.
„You betrayed me!“ he shouted. „After all the things I never did to raise you as my loyal and obedient war machine!“
He fought a great battle with Steinar and his laser eyes, but then Steinar lost and fell to the ground.
„Ow!“ he yelled in agony. „My tail!“
So Tyra revealed that she also had laser eyes. Everyone had laser eyes! Tyra challenged her father to a duel and they fought in the sky because suddenly they grew wings, and Tyra won because her dad is just a giant douche who also happened to make a few conveniently powerful children, none of which he brought to this fight because PLOT REASONS!
„This is for my new people here! And Steinar’s tail!“
So Tyra shot her dad with her laser eyes who fell down dead and everyone was happy. Petri then raised his beer and screamed „Victory AND wedding feast for everyone!“
Everyone was drunk for days and then lived happily ever after except for those who died of diseases and stuff because this is still pseudo-medieval fantasy, bitches!

 

Just… putting this out there. So you can admire my flawless plot and beautiful writing <3

And also because laser eyes.

I’m going to lie on the floor for a bit. Maybe I can get my brain working again.

 

-Ricarda

 

(Yes, I wrote this in English because reasons. Okay, actually because I somehow can only write like that in English. My mind’s weird like that. Also, WTFFanfiction may have spoiled me in that regard. Bad fanfic is never as good in German :< )

Romantic crap that’s not romantic. At all.

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Okay, I give up. Is there some secret I don’t know about? Some sort of… life-changing, meaningful insight I don’t have? Magical fairy dust?

How do people write romance?

I don’t get it. I’m working on a marriage proposal. Except I seem to have no idea what I’m doing.  Might be lack of personal experience, I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem… right.

I write a sappy scene. I write a comical scene. I write a sombre scene. I write it public, I write it private, I write it all over the freaking place, and it always, ALWAYS seems weird. Sometimes because it just is weird, but mostly because I think “No, that’s not the way he’d go about it, and that’s not a proposal she’d accept!”. But when I do write it the way I think it’d happen, I read it again and then go “But this isn’t romantic! No-one would want it to happen like that! That’s not how it goes down in a properly written romantic subplot!”.

Jesus Fried Chicken, I know why I hate romantic subplots, even the tiny ones. At least when I’m the one writing them. I’m not a romantic person, and I happen to have written two rather un-traditionally romantically involved characters. So it’s either sticking with the “logical” proposal (for them), or the “romantic” one (for the readers), which would be SO out of character it would look like it’s from a different novel -.-

How does anybody write a good romantic subplot without smashing half a dozen keyboards on their forehead?

Writing is hard T_T

 

-Ricarda