Camp rant – consider yourself warned…


Okay, it’s been obvious for, like, forever, but now I’d like to make it official: I suck at writing dialogue. I just can’t. Whatever I try – modifying movie dialogues, talking to myself, just going for it, eyes closed, and not thinking at all – it doesn’t work. Writing ten pages of descriptions and plot is SO FUCKING MUCH EASIER than writing half a page of porn.

Why did I just type “porn”? I’m pretty sure Freud would have something to say about that… I MEANT DIALOGUE! Honestly. I swear.

Because writing porn is still easier than writing dialogue scenes. Mostly because there is no need for anyone to talk. Dirty talk doesn’t count.

In the ten years I’ve been writing (I started counting from the first time I showed something to anyone), I never figured out how to write decent dialogue. Is there some big secret that is hidden in the Cave of the Unspeakable Monologue and guarded by the Fierce Dragons of Noble Speech and that can only be recovered by Ye Who Doth Master the Path of Rhetoric? Do I… have to get brain surgery to understand how good dialogue works? Or am I just not made for writing good blahblah in any of my stories? Should I go post-modern on my stuff? Become a poet? :O Well, that might work, except I have no grasp of rhythm and rhyme whatsoever…

Maybe modern poetry? Or I could become a nude model. I’m almost certain this doesn’t require written dialogue of any kind…

*le sigh* Anyone have  some good advice on this? Or a book recommendation, maybe?

Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

Whatever. Back to writing, there’s a wordcount to be reached :)




One response »

  1. I like the advice I found in a Writer Mag some years back: No one ever says what they mean. I like to think of dialogue as a sparring match–the people in the conversation push back and forth to get more information but they in turn don’t want to give information.

    Also, the Writer’s Digest book series has a good one on dialogue (titled quite appropriately, “Dialogue”)

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